When Politics Come to Dinner: Finding Common Ground

The holiday season is meant to bring warmth and connection, yet for many older adults, it can also spark tension—especially when politics enter the room. In today’s climate, The Pew Research Center reports about eight in ten U.S. adults say that supporters of the two major parties not only disagree on policies, but can’t even agree on basic facts. Meanwhile, only 33% of Americans say they trust the federal government to act in their best interest.

Add to that the fatigue of another year, differing values among generations, and sometimes the grief of missing loved ones, and even joyful gatherings can feel emotionally charged. One survey found that 69% of Americans expect family conflict during the holidays.

But connection doesn’t require agreement. The goal isn’t to “win” an argument—it’s to honor both yourself and others through respectful engagement, which is possible during the holidays.

Here are Six Ways to Keep the Peace, helping everyone enjoy time together and celebrate a season of joy and gratitude.

Listen to understand.

When someone shares an opposing view, try: “That sounds important to you—tell me more.”Being heard often defuses defensiveness. This is very much a skill, which you can practice. Instead of forming a rebuttal in your head or interrupting the other person, simply listen with curiosity. You’ll be amazed by how much smoother conversations will go and feel when you’re curious rather than judgmental (we know…easier said than done).

Set gentle boundaries.

It’s okay to say, “Let’s give politics the night off and just enjoy being together.”Boundaries protect connection. Boundaries are also something we honor for ourselves and can’t set for anyone else. A boundary might be, “I will have to take a break if the conversation becomes too heated.” A boundary is not, “Jim can’t talk about current affairs during dinner.” We can only protect and honor boundaries we set for ourselves, not for someone else. Take time to think of which boundaries feel appropriate for this season.

Redirect with warmth.

If conversation turns heated, shift gears: “We may not agree, but I’d rather talk about that new grandbaby!” Warmth, curiosity, authenticity and respect are the recipe for connection instead of division. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone else about an issue about which you feel strongly; it means you can respect that someone else’s perspective is different.

 Mind your emotional weather.

If you feel tense, pause. Take a breath, change seats, or help in the kitchen. Calm is contagious. Paying attention to how your body feels will give you clues before you become upset. If you feel your heartrate increasing or your body becoming warm, it might be time to take a break. The body often feels an emotionbefore the brain acknowledges it. Listen to what your body is telling you and respond accordingly.

Assume good intent.

Most people argue from care, fear, or conviction. Seeing that humanity makes empathy easier. When we give people the benefit of the doubt, we are genuinely happier and calmer ourselves.

 Focus on gratitude.

Even in disagreement, look for what you can appreciate—a meal shared, a memory recalled, a moment of laughter. In fact, you can actually journal before a family or group event, noting what you’re grateful for or writing a note of thanks. This helps prepare your brain for positive emotions before you get into a tense situation and makes all of the other suggestions easier!

Albert Einstein gave us more than one important invention, but his words on peace are most relevant now:

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
— Albert Einstein

In a divided world, choosing connection over contention is an act of quiet courage. When you listen with empathy and speak with kindness, you not only protect your own peace—you help restore it to the room.

Related Resources:

For more about aging, mental wellness and holiday connection, check out these AOS blog posts:

5 Tips for Stress-Free Caregiving for the Holiday Season

Better Boundaries for Stress-Free Holidays

How to Communicate Boundaries with Adult Children