Ask the Expert Q & A: Moving a parent

Q: I am looking to relocate my mother from out of state to the Raleigh area. What types of issues should I be thinking about as I begin this process?

A: A move can be a big transition, especially when dealing with a parent who may also have some physical or mental health challenges. Planning ahead can certainly make the process less painful and create a more positive experience overall. It is well documented that when a person participates in the decisions being made surrounding a move, he or she tends to report higher satisfaction with the move.
The first step would be to engage your mom in a conversation about the reasons that you would like for her to move closer to you. This allows her to express any reservations she may have and fears or concerns that need to be addressed. It would be a good idea to plan a joint visit to her primary care provider to discuss what level of care she needs. Is she independent or will she require more assistance with things like medication management, meals, and personal care?

Once you have determined the appropriate level of care, you can begin to identify housing options. There are a wide variety of options, so unless you have some knowledge about senior housing, you may want to consult a professional care manager or relocation specialist in your area. One online resource, www.caremanager.org, is a great place to find that type of professional.
Even if you are considering moving mom in with you, there are a variety of issues that should be talked through before that decision is made. Get a notebook and start keeping track of this process so you can make lists and reflect back on it as you go. Here are some key points you will want to address as you explore making a move:

● What type of support will she need?
● What is a realistic time frame?
● Are things stable or in crisis?
● What housing or retirement community options are available in your area? Plan several tours with your mom to become familiar with the different environments available.
● Identify current medical providers. You will need a release to obtain current medical records.
● Identify equivalent medical providers in the new area. Ask for a timeframe to establish her as a new patient.
● Identify an elder law attorney to review all documents coming from the current state to North Carolina.
● Talk to insurance providers and find out if moving to a new state requires any action or change in plan.
● Consult a tax professional to find out how state laws may differ and impact things like estimated payments being made to the state.
● Are there any pre-planned funeral arrangements that need to be altered?
● Pick up change-of-address information.
● If household items are being moved, select a moving company that offers relocation assistance.

Your mom needs to be a part of the process, as much as she is able to, and participate in the decisions being made for her future care. An open dialogue and preparation can help you make the best plan that is right for your family.

Amy Natt, a certified senior adviser, and care manager can be reached at amyn@agingoutreachservices.com.