This year, what gift will you give the older adult in your life?
by Jennifer Webster
Wrapping paper rustles on the floor. Gift labels, if you’re saving them, get mixed up. You shake your head as you toss the latest sweater from a well-meaning cousin in the back of your closet or tag it for Goodwill. Or maybe you just sigh as the door closes behind the last guest, relieved to be free of the bustle but still feeling slightly blue.
On the other hand, maybe you have a new, challenging, not-too-long board game and a date to play it with a teenage friend next week. Huzzah!
The night after Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Midwinter) may be the same slightly cluttered letdown for older adults, especially those in assisted living or long-term care facilities. A pile of unneeded packages, combined with an end to merrymaking, may lead to the dumps, but the right presents can point the way to a bright next day.
The trick for gift shopping for elders is a simple twist on an old saying: Give unto others as you would have them give unto you.
As Jennifer Tyner, a certified care manager with AOS Care Management, notes, that means giving gifts that emphasize connection rather than accumulation.
Give Gifts from the Heart
Just as you may stuff that sweater patterned with reindeer in the back of your closet, never to be worn, older adults—or those who care for them—may find some gifts burdensome.
“I never like seeing older adults receive gifts that people would need to have purchased for them anyway,” Tyner says. “Lotions, powders, shampoos—they’re like giving a kid socks or oranges. I prefer gifts that seem as if they come from the heart.”
Other gifts may delight the older adult but frustrate his or her caregivers. If the present makes work for others, forget it.
“In the past I have seen family members give their older adult relative a pet,” Tyner recalls. “The family may not think through who will walk the pet or change the litter box.”
Make Connections
Non-tangible gifts, on the other hand, may be especially welcome. Older adults who can’t get out frequently may relish the promise of a special event.
“A favorite of mine is for a caregiver or family member to take their elder to do something, such as movie or theater outing.” Tyner says. “Tickets for an event give them something to look forward to.”
If you won’t be close by again to spend time with your older adult friend or loved one, make a connection electronically, Tyner suggests.
“If they are able to participate with technology, an iPad or smartphone is a great gift, along with lessons on how to use it,” she says. “Many community colleges offer classes and one-on-one tutorials to help older adults learn technology.”
Know Their Interests
Match gifts to the recipient’s interests. For a mystery book lover, that might mean a Jo Walton mystery, where a not-so-typical English police detective solves problems in an alternate history where Britain never entered World War II.
“If they have a hobby, then give them things they might need to do that hobby,” Tyner suggests. “Needles and yarn, nails and board, that kind of thing.”
For someone with dementia, an interesting present might be an apron or toolbox with lots of zippers to zip, latches to fasten and ribbons to tie. Cuddly dolls appeal to some older adults with who have dementia, Tyner notes.
Ask an Expert
If your older adult lives far away, and you aren’t familiar with his or her holiday wishes, ask someone who spends time with them regularly, such as a nursing home activities director, or visit www.aginglifecare.org to find professionals in your area, Tyner advises. Some eldercare specialists may be hired to do holiday shopping for older adults or have a family night for them.
“We do things like holiday parties and visits to communities they used to be involved in,” she says. “We might take someone to a country club he or she used to be a member, for instance.”
Specialists like Tyner can also help older adults take control over their own holiday arrangements.
“Planning a party inside a care facility or community can be important,” she says. “Last year, one client sent invitations for a party to be hosted in the facility common room. We helped her set up tea and cookies and a gift exchange.”
When it comes to gift ideas for far-away elders, it can be especially helpful for family members and local caregivers to exchange thoughts, Tyner says.
“The older adult may not be the best historian,” she notes. “They may agree to anything you offer. A family member who is very open and communicates with us about how Mother used to enjoy a certain activity is a wonderful partner in care, especially when they enable us to make plans and follow through with those plans.”
That way, the night after Christmas, your older adult will have something to look forward to, as well as to think back upon.